So, since most of the people who I would be willing to tell read, or at least have access to, this blog, I'm going to put my relationship update here.
Justin (Mr. Carpenter) broke up with me three days ago. He isn't able to make me his number one priority, and doesn't need a girlfriend while he's trying to move back up to Fort Wayne to be with his kids. He wants to put "us on hold" until he gets that figured out...which could be months. I can't do it. Talk about heartbreak. I honestly meant all the things on my FB profile, so this kind of blows. Especially after getting dumped in December too.
But, what can a girl do? Sexy Soldier has been pestering me for three weeks to go out. So that's what I'm doing today. We'll see how it goes.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Love Song
The Carpenter just swept me off my feet. He plays guitar, which is a huge turn on for me. We talked about my favorite band last week, The Cure, and apparently he took the initiative and learned Love Song and Friday I'm in Love to play for me...right after we were intimidate. My heart melted into a puddle, to say the least.
And Then There Was One
So, I just ended the trysts with all my guys except Moody (he's out of town on drill) and The Carpenter. I think The Carpenter and I are getting a little serious, and I don't want to fuck it up. I cancelled all my dates this weekend to spend time with him. Oh dear.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Playing Catch Up
So, I've neglected my blog. That's no good. So here's an update.
On codependency. I picked up a book by Melody Beatrice called The New Codependency. A quote from it sums me up pretty well. "...I can't function unless I'm in love. The problem is, I don't have a life. Unless I'm taking care of someone, I don't know who I am." That hit home pretty hard, so I'm dedicated to reading this thing like my life depends on it, and working though this issue.
- Monday and Tuesday were pretty low key. I talked to Septum Kid, Moody Love Toy, The Carpenter and Veggie Guy a lot. I spent most of Tuesday at my mom's.
- Wednesday I took Moody to get his military ID and we came back to my place to watch a movie and walk about the apartment complex. We made out a bit, but no sex. We did talk about this blog, and he knows of his place in it. More texting with Septum and phone calls to The Carpenter. Also, a month ago I was at the Goodwill Outlet Store and one of the employees asked me for my number. I gave it to him, but since I screen my calls I've apparently been ignoring him inadvertently. He called on Wednesday and we talked a bit. He wants to hang out. We're going to call him Goodwill Man.
- Thursday The Carpenter came over and we had some bedroom time, then went to the casino in Anderson. It was my first casino trip, and boy was it boring. I just didn't get into playing the games, pushing buttons and waiting for a computer program to deem me worthy of winnings just didn't please me. And it was loud, which I don't dig. But he and I still had a good time.
- Today I was going to hang out with Septum, but we rescheduled for Sunday. The Carpenter and Goodwill Man want to take me out. It's a race to see who calls me first it seems.
- Nice Guy and I are going on a date tomorrow. Not sure what we're going to do, but I promised him I'd give him a chance when I started dating post-Jeremy.
On codependency. I picked up a book by Melody Beatrice called The New Codependency. A quote from it sums me up pretty well. "...I can't function unless I'm in love. The problem is, I don't have a life. Unless I'm taking care of someone, I don't know who I am." That hit home pretty hard, so I'm dedicated to reading this thing like my life depends on it, and working though this issue.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Hypocrisy!
So, in true form, I am a hypocrite. I went out with a new guy last night. We're going to call him The Carpenter, since that is his occupation. We hung out with his friends at a hotel and went swimming, drank some beer, then came back here. When we got back, I made some yummy vegan food. While I was cooking he turned on Dean Martin Pandora and waltzed me about my living room singing along. Quite fun. We had some of the most spectacular sex I've ever had (seriously) then walked around my apartment complex talking. It was a wonderfully romantic night, and considering the guys I've been seeing it was a 8 out of 10 date. The only downside is that he had to leave before I got home from church, so we didn't get to hang. But we've already talked, so he isn't ditching me yet. Ha ha ha. He's an 81% on the checklist, 32 years old, but he lives in Camby which is a bit of a drive...for him. ;-)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Epiphany and Brutal Honesty
So, I've come to a conclusion about this whole dating thing. It. Is. Not. Right. I mean, who has a blog because they have so many dates their friends can't keep track. I've realized that I have a codependence problem. To make my point, some history:
At 17 I moved in with an alcoholic, we're gonna call him Joel because that is his name. The drinking was cool at 17, because drinking was all the rage in my life. But then I grew up. I lived with the guy for five years before I finally had to leave. He had a son, age five when we met, who I adored, but the relationship between me and Roo from a psychological perspective was a "safe" relationship, because nothing was at stake. I adored Roo, and it was hard to leave, but in a fit of manic passion (I'm bipolar) I ran away from that life.
Six weeks later, at 21, I met my ex Jeremy. We had the love at first sight thing going on, and he moved in after a month. So, I spent a whopping six weeks single. Jeremy had a lot of problems going on with his life, and he depended on me for a lot. This was a large part of our undoing because it was my want to fulfill all his needs that made me, ahem, controlling. December 21, 2010 Jeremy left out of the blue and got his own place.
A week after Jeremy left my friend Jon (I mean friend, no sex here) came and stayed with me for about two weeks, off and on.
At the end of January, Moody Love Toy and I had our tryst for a week. He messaged me on Facebook on the 31st of January and we progressed to talking on Yahoo Messenger. He was staying in Unionville (think Moorseville) so after chatting, me crying because Jeremy called and was an ass, and more chatting, I decided to go get him. We agreed to NSA/rebound/nothing serious sex for a week, and that would be the end of it. But, me being me, I half way fell for the guy.
Now, this was not a good idea. 1. He's set to deploy next spring, so any relationship we did develop in a year's time would be in peril. 2. His life is in pieces, but that was a part of the attraction, because of the codependency. 3. He has two kids by two different women, which means DRAMA. So, from an intelligent point of view, this was not a good idea, this whole luv thing. But we had a really really good time and he still kind of has a part of my heart. Which I try to ignore. I like to think I do a good job of that. :-/
Once Moody and I had out time together, he moved in with his father in Greenwood and we saw each other a few times a week. This was cool, but then he went away for National Guard training and when he got back we rarely talked and haven't seen each other since. We've made plans, broken plans, I've been busy, he has his son, something happens. There isn't much said via chat other than "how are you?" and maybe ten minutes of convo. No professions of undying affection, though I make jokes about being infatuated with him once in a while. On to the rest of the tale, then.
After Moody, I started my dating spree. This was supplemented by picking up guys where ever I happened to be (the bank, punk shows, grocery store, dollar store, apartment leasing office) and Craig's List ads. Now, I gotta say, CL is NOT the place to meet guys. They all either are unemployed, live at home, live with ex's, have a mental disorder (yeah, I'm bipolar, but I need stability from my man), or are just creepers. This really wasn't a satisfying experience. The sex I did have was awful and though varying degrees of attractive, the guys were not very multidimensional. Most of them didn't get larger concepts, made fun of the whole vegan thing, picked on my cats, or found a way to make me irritable in some other way. It had it's moments of fun, but I found myself looking for and wanting something more.
And that's when I started the soul searching. Realizing I'm codependent is just the tip of the psychological ice burg. I've ordered books from the library and I'm going to tackle this like I did my bipolar disorder, but I've got a lot of work to do. I'm going to try to reign in the flirting, no more CL ad's and hopefully that will end the parade of dates. But this goes a lot deeper than that. So now, this blog is going to be a dating blog mixed with my mental health progress. If that's your thing, stick around.
At 17 I moved in with an alcoholic, we're gonna call him Joel because that is his name. The drinking was cool at 17, because drinking was all the rage in my life. But then I grew up. I lived with the guy for five years before I finally had to leave. He had a son, age five when we met, who I adored, but the relationship between me and Roo from a psychological perspective was a "safe" relationship, because nothing was at stake. I adored Roo, and it was hard to leave, but in a fit of manic passion (I'm bipolar) I ran away from that life.
Six weeks later, at 21, I met my ex Jeremy. We had the love at first sight thing going on, and he moved in after a month. So, I spent a whopping six weeks single. Jeremy had a lot of problems going on with his life, and he depended on me for a lot. This was a large part of our undoing because it was my want to fulfill all his needs that made me, ahem, controlling. December 21, 2010 Jeremy left out of the blue and got his own place.
A week after Jeremy left my friend Jon (I mean friend, no sex here) came and stayed with me for about two weeks, off and on.
At the end of January, Moody Love Toy and I had our tryst for a week. He messaged me on Facebook on the 31st of January and we progressed to talking on Yahoo Messenger. He was staying in Unionville (think Moorseville) so after chatting, me crying because Jeremy called and was an ass, and more chatting, I decided to go get him. We agreed to NSA/rebound/nothing serious sex for a week, and that would be the end of it. But, me being me, I half way fell for the guy.
Now, this was not a good idea. 1. He's set to deploy next spring, so any relationship we did develop in a year's time would be in peril. 2. His life is in pieces, but that was a part of the attraction, because of the codependency. 3. He has two kids by two different women, which means DRAMA. So, from an intelligent point of view, this was not a good idea, this whole luv thing. But we had a really really good time and he still kind of has a part of my heart. Which I try to ignore. I like to think I do a good job of that. :-/
Once Moody and I had out time together, he moved in with his father in Greenwood and we saw each other a few times a week. This was cool, but then he went away for National Guard training and when he got back we rarely talked and haven't seen each other since. We've made plans, broken plans, I've been busy, he has his son, something happens. There isn't much said via chat other than "how are you?" and maybe ten minutes of convo. No professions of undying affection, though I make jokes about being infatuated with him once in a while. On to the rest of the tale, then.
After Moody, I started my dating spree. This was supplemented by picking up guys where ever I happened to be (the bank, punk shows, grocery store, dollar store, apartment leasing office) and Craig's List ads. Now, I gotta say, CL is NOT the place to meet guys. They all either are unemployed, live at home, live with ex's, have a mental disorder (yeah, I'm bipolar, but I need stability from my man), or are just creepers. This really wasn't a satisfying experience. The sex I did have was awful and though varying degrees of attractive, the guys were not very multidimensional. Most of them didn't get larger concepts, made fun of the whole vegan thing, picked on my cats, or found a way to make me irritable in some other way. It had it's moments of fun, but I found myself looking for and wanting something more.
And that's when I started the soul searching. Realizing I'm codependent is just the tip of the psychological ice burg. I've ordered books from the library and I'm going to tackle this like I did my bipolar disorder, but I've got a lot of work to do. I'm going to try to reign in the flirting, no more CL ad's and hopefully that will end the parade of dates. But this goes a lot deeper than that. So now, this blog is going to be a dating blog mixed with my mental health progress. If that's your thing, stick around.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Boys, Boys, Boys
A guy tried to pick me up in the parking lot of a plasma donation center today. Across the parking lot he yells, "Hey baby, you got a man?" My response was, "Yes, I do. Sorry." It was bizarre.
Moody is going to come over next week. His baby momma is is having surgery so he gets his son for a few days.
Bookstore didn't come over either. Ha ha ha.
New guy in the line up. Veggie Guy is 26, lives in Lebanon and is vegan. We talked until seven am on the phone last night. He also has a shaved head. Picked this one up on Craig's List. He posted an ad for a "hot vegan girl" so I had to respond. Unfortunately, he jokes about getting married to me a lot. And that's freaking me out.
Moody is going to come over next week. His baby momma is is having surgery so he gets his son for a few days.
Bookstore didn't come over either. Ha ha ha.
New guy in the line up. Veggie Guy is 26, lives in Lebanon and is vegan. We talked until seven am on the phone last night. He also has a shaved head. Picked this one up on Craig's List. He posted an ad for a "hot vegan girl" so I had to respond. Unfortunately, he jokes about getting married to me a lot. And that's freaking me out.
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